i had a bad cat day.

if you know me at all you probably know that i love cats.

i love cats more than anything. i would save a kitten over a human child. i wish that was a joke. its not. i hate people sometimes. i love cats always. even bitch cats. so today was really, really not good for me.

today my two babies moved out.

my ex's cats have been living with me for quite a while and i've been telling him he needs to take them home because i didn't agree to be responsible for them for this long (i agreed to "a few weeks" which turned into several months but i digress). i can't afford to take care of them and i can barely remember to feed my damn self, i can't be expected to take care of two other creatures as well.

but god that doesn't mean i don't love them. those cats were there for me when i thought i lost everything else. one of them in particular, severus, was like my best friend when i didn't have anyone else. seeing him go was heart wrenching. floyd left first because there was only one cat carrier and it was sad but what really broke my heart was the look on sev's face when he realized floyd wasn't in the house anymore. he looked so alone.

he slept on my bed last night for one last night, and this morning he left. and i cried. i'm not even going to lie, i cried so much. it's hard coming home now because i expect them to be there, expect them to be running off my bed like they did something wrong as soon as i open the door.

i loved those babies, even if they were a pain in the ass sometimes. 

and then my mom called.

and it turns out that this baby, love of my life since i was seven, is sick.

her name is jade. 

she's twelve years old and an hiv kitty so she really has outlived all expectations. 

she's the sweetest thing in the world and i don't think she realizes she's so old or so sick.

i don't get to see her a lot since she lives with my mom in pennsylvania, and i'm in new york city.

i don't want to type what i'm thinking. but she's sick. that's all that needs to be said.

my cold little heart is breaking for my kitties. all three of them. 

xoxo

mouse