i somehow convinced myself that i wasn't ever going to be happy, ever again.
here are some things that i have done in the past few days:
1. organized my financial situation so that i am confident that i can a) continue to get what i want and b) not completely fuck myself over financially
2. scrubbed my kitchen floor
3. cleaned out the area behind my bed that was just full of shit and nonsense which was actually really disappointing in the end because looking at my room you can't really tell anything's different because it was all behind my bed (duh), but at least i got it done and there is no longer a black hole down there
4. went to bed at a decent hour
5. had no nightmares
6. had fun
7. mangled my bangs (fringe)
8. gone blonde, which i thought i would never ever EVER do
9. remembered to take my birth control which is partially covered by my health insurance (pissing rush limbaugh off every day at 5:30 since high school)
10. worn the same pair of tights three times in very close succession
11. put a huge rhinestone sticker mess on my phone
i just want to tell you how thankful i am for all of you. i know this is not the most popular blog in the world but everyone who comes here and reads my shit and looks at my pictures and says nice things (or even mean things) means a lot to me. i have my highs and lows (in case that isn't fucking obvious) but this is definitely a high point. there was a realization somewhere in the past few days that was something along the lines of "i don't need all this unnecessary fuckabout in my life" and that was that, and now for the first time in like eight months i am actually cleaning my apartment (as opposed to just picking up) and really getting my shit together and feeling like yes, this is what i have to do, and this is gonna be great.