Monday, May 14, 2012

do i look like a dyke to you?

words like lesbian, dyke, gay, faggot, bisexual, homo, have always bothered me.
not because of the negative connotations, although there is that too. anyone using words like that for hate is in the wrong. 
but that's not what i'm here to discuss.
i'm here to discuss the fact that, today, while in conversation with a relatively new friend of mine, i mentioned a relationship i've had. he continued the conversation, asking about "him". i gently corrected him to her and carried on with the conversation. he didn't, however.
he stopped. and looked at me. 
for a long time.
and then he said, "you don't look like a dyke to me."
i wasn't entirely sure how to respond. sure, i've been called that before, i've been called a lot of names before. i've even had people tell me i looked like a lesbian and hey, that didn't bother me, but for some reason this did. 
i don't look like a dyke?
what the fuck does that mean?
i wrapped up the conversation relatively awkwardly and went on my way but the question kept grating on me. i didn't explain my sexuality to him because i don't feel like i should have to explain. you like someone, you like someone. that's just how it is. i don't look at a straight couple and say "hey, give me a breakdown of your sexual and romantic preferences, please." i don't look at a girl whose hands are maybe a little big and say, "hey, miss, i was just wondering, do you happen to have a penis?"
so why does this kid think he has the right?
you know what word i do like? queer. because it fits. i'm not bisexual. sure, i like girls. but i don't like all girls. sure, i like boys, but i don't like all boys. and then there are girls who are boys and boys who are girls and everything in between and who is to say which one of them i'm going to fall head over heels in love with next?
i'm queer 'cos it sounds cool. cos being queer means being kinda weird. kinda funny. kinda mixed up. my sexuality isn't queer. that's just who i am.
just some musings for the night.



Meghan Edge said...

I think I utterly adore you.

I mean that sincerely.

Anonymous said...

I didn't know the use of the word dyke until now!
This boy is not so clever..I think that you are right, to love or to like someone depends on their personality that often transcend sex, age and everything else!
You look like the best to me!

Laura Morrigan said...

Yeah, I find that offensive. I am assuming he is super straight? Sometimes they don't get it. But it's still offensive. I have lots of queer friends- gay, bi, it shouldn't be a label, we should like what we like! Why is it an issue to people! I could go on about this forever! I often mention my partner in conversations, and only once has someone referred to him as he and then said, 'oh sorry, should I have said she'. I was like, 'well, he is male, but thanks for asking and not just assuming'. but the way they said it was unjudgmental. And I hate straight kinda prejudiced people assuming I'm just like them. Just like I hate white people assuming I am white and saying racist things in front of me like that's ok. Ignorance is a disease!

Charlie Wilkins said...

I wouldn't bother with people like that.

But I'm biased.

MUKAI said...

you r amazing!!!!!!!!

Shybiker said...

I'm sorry I missed this post. It's important.

The man who said this offensive word to you is ignorant and rude. There's no excuse for his comment.

Our sexuality isn't a subject for public discussion. People who raise it are either hateful or self-loathing.

I'm sorry you had a bad experience.

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