nerd girls are easy

i was inspired to write this post both because i haven't written anything on here in too long and because of this post on buzzfeed shift about the 'fake geek girl' meme. 

first of all, let me just get this out of the way: being a woman is a disadvantage in this world. but it's not the greatest disadvantage. there are a million factors that could make someone worse off even just in this city. i am upper-middle-class, i am white, i am relatively thin, i am relatively healthy. i have it really good. i know that. 

but being a girl, or someone who is perceived as a girl, and trying to join the 'boys club' that is geekery--it's difficult. men have had this whole disenfranchised thing down for years. if you're a guy and you'd rather play dungeons and dragons than go to a party, you might get made fun of, but that's an acceptable choice. if you're a girl and would rather play dungeons and dragons than go to a party, what the fuck is wrong with you?

it's bad in the gaming world--this blog , entitled fat, ugly, or slutty, illustrates that well. if you're a girl that plays games, it's because you're fat or ugly--meaning men want nothing to do with you, so you have nothing better to do with your time--or you're slutty, meaning you're only playing these games to get attention from men. why?

john green, who i don't know a ton about but who seems like a really great guy, has said “…because nerds like us are allowed to be unironically enthusiastic about stuff… Nerds are allowed to love stuff, like jump-up-and-down-in-the-chair-can’t-control-yourself love it. Hank, when people call people nerds, mostly what they’re saying is ‘you like stuff.’ Which is just not a good insult at all. Like, ‘you are too enthusiastic about the miracle of human consciousness’.”

this is one of my favourite quotes about anything, because it's correct. it's so true. i get so excited about things like supernatural and lord of the rings and the general awesomeness of stuff and that's what makes me happy. i love watchmen, i love sherlock holmes, i love neil gaiman. and yet when i post my watchmen tattoo on reddit, i get accused of being an attention whore. men who post similar tattoos? none of that. when i talk about how really really cute kili is in the hobbit 

(and he is really really cute)

it's assumed that that's why i liked the movie, because wow there's a hot guy in it stop the presses 

when i know things about things, people are shocked. maybe it's my hair, maybe it's my voice (being raised by a californian has left me with a bit of a valley girl accent sometimes), but for the most part i'm fairly sure it's because i'm a girl. i can't enjoy these things, i can't understand them to the fullest extent, because of my genitalia. 

I'M SORRY BATMAN I CAN'T UNDERSTAND YOU OVER THE SOUND OF MY BOOBS

anyway, it's like seven in the morning and i've been up for two hours because i'm anxious so i thought i'd just spit this out and it probably doesn't make sense and i might edit it heavily later but yeah i hope you guys are all doing well and had a great new year!!

xoxo

mouse

...it's just a jump to the left

 the halloween stores have opened!

i repeat, the halloween stores have opened!

i've already been three times in the last three days to various halloween stores. i. am. SO. excited. one of my purchases was this bag o'bats. gonna stick them on a headband.

 whoops i just got political

got my "slytherins for obama" and "time lords for obama" pins at nerdsforobama.org

if you are american and a lady or love a lady or know a lady or think ladies are cool people, i'm hoping that you'll vote obama this november, because remember, he's the one who doesn't think a uterus is government property.

he is also the first president in history to embrace the idea of gay marriage. thanks barack. <3 

 this eye purse is the love of my life right now. it has spikes!

sorry about my stupid face (not really) but i got some 99 cent spiders at party city today.

xoxo

mouse

i just can't explain how good it feels

 i've been watching supernatural and making necklaces lately and here are some of the ones i like best. 

south park

my favourite disney princesses (pocahontas, meg & hercules, snow white on a ticket, esmeralda, and merida) and a disneyland ticket (and hercules who isn't a princess but he was alright)

 appa

 delirium from the sandman

 chef from south park

another appa

xoxo

mouse

happy father's day

my dad is the coolest.

he's smart as hell and funny and never afraid to share his opinion no matter how unpopular it might be (maybe that's where i got it!)

he liked the beach boys, country joe, bob dylan, and joan baez way before i thought they were cool.

when he was fifteen he helped to organize a rally against the vietnam war that ended up with thousands of attendees. i've never done anything that big.

i'm immensely proud of him, and i can only hope that he's just as proud of me.

he also really likes lady gaga.

xoxo

mouse

even my tears are pink

i think about the attacks that happened over ten years ago in this city a lot.

it's unavoidable here. the fire station across the street from my apartment has thirteen plaques in memoral for the firemen who lost their lives when the towers fell. last year people left flowers outside of it. dozens of bouquets. i couldn't walk by without getting choked up.

this country and i have a love hate relationship.

religion and i have a love hate relationship. i have never been religious. but there is one very religious man who i hardly stop thinking about. 

father mychal judge was a fdny chaplain who was counted as victim number one in the attacks. he went to deliver last rites to the victims of the attack and died when he was struck by falling rubble. there is a section of 31st street, quite close to madison square garden, named after him. 

he was well known for accepting people not usually accepted by the church--members of the LGBT community, patients with AIDS, the homeless, addicts, and others.

i know a lot of people say that god is love but i think father mychal really meant it.

i took this when i went with my mom and sister to the 9/11 memorial a few months ago. 

sorry for this sort of somber post. i'll be back to my dumb face soon!

xoxo

mouse

what i did over summer vacation...

 the wonderful, beautiful edie pop (link) sent me a tote bag! she made it herself--it's so beautiful!

i received it as soon as i got home from pennsylvania and when i opened it i was so excited and touched i almost cried! thank you so much!!!

so i know summer vacation isn't (even close to) over but so far i've done a lot! i had a disastrous haircut but then fixed it to the best of my ability, got a new phone, cleaned my entire apartment, started work (which is amazing, by the way), ombre'd my hair (it was basically MAROON in a disastrous professional dye job... thats the last time anyone else gets to dye my hair... i had to wash it with dish soap until the colour lightened enough that i didnt feel like going out with a bag over my head), got new shoes which i will post about and a number of new clothes (including this massive motley crue shout at the devil shirt that i'm wearing here) that i will also post about... and so so much else. i've been having a really incredible summer thus far. 

i hope you guys are doing well! i've missed you!

enjoy die antwoord's new video c:

xoxo

mouse

current obsession

xoxo

mouse

being human is weird

and no i'm not talking about the show although that's kinda weird too

four months ago i was at one of the lowest points i've ever been. and now i feel so so so much better about my life and the direction it's going in and the people i'm surrounding myself with. i honestly can't believe that less than a year ago i was fully prepared to drink myself to death. i'd absolutely given up and i really don't think i wanted to live. i know i didn't want to think.

and now, now, now... i've given up most of my vices (still haven't quit smoking... it's fucking tough but i'm working on it) and i feel creative and brilliant and yeah bad shit has happened but i can't let it get me down because i know how i'll be if i do and that's the biggest motivator i've got right now.

i hope all you mice have a wonderful wonderful long weekend!

xoxo

mouse

full responsibility

starting today (tonight) i am 

1. quitting smoking

2. starting a diet. trying to go gluten free. don't know how much i will succeed, i'm not restricting myself super much, but i'm going to try to reduce my gluten intake.

3. going to drink at least six glasses of water a day

4. eating as little processed shit as possible

5. walking at least twelve miles per week

i'm in the midst of a little bit of a health scare and sort of trying to reevaluate what i'm doing to my body. 

hopefully everything's gonna be ok but in the meantime, i'm putting this on my blog in order to keep myself accountable. if i go and eat a mountain of doritos, i'm gonna blog about it, and then i'm gonna feel like an asshole because i ate a mountain of doritos and everyone knows. conversely, if i eat well, i'm going to blog about it and then feel accomplished. i don't think i will do this every single day. i don't think that's a realistic expectation i set for myself. but i'm going to do my best, and i'm going to keep blogging how i usually blog, as well.

i just wanna feel better. this isn't a "oh god i think i'm huge i wanna lose so much weight" thing because i've already lost a bit this year. but i want to be healthy and be good to myself, so i'm going to put these updates up as well.

if you don't like these kinds of posts you can, of course, ignore them.

thanks for being here and stuff 

xoxo

mouse

the hunger games!

So last night I went to see the Hunger Games. At midnight. In New York City. Yeah, it was pretty brutal, and I had to sit in like the third row, but it was so super good.

I thought it was true enough to the books without being annoying in its detail. I'm not a huge fan of movies--I don't have that kind of attention span, and usually when I'm watching a movie I have to be doing something else like blogging or tumbling or texting (not in the theatre, obviously). This is the first movie I saw in theatres since, I think, the second part of the seventh Harry Potter the second time I went to see it, which was on my birthday, which is the same as Harry Potter's birthday... I know. 

I'm going to try to keep this as spoiler-free as possible for y'all, I don't want you to be taking a leisurely read of my blog and being all like OH SHIT I DIDN'T WANT TO READ THAT

Okay. So. As mentioned previously, terrible attention span. Two and a half hour movie. Wasn't bored once. Loved it. I went with someone who hadn't read the books, and she seemed to like it as well, which in my opinion is definitely a good sign. It's a low-budget movie, and some of the camera angles are super shaky, which bothered me at first but then didn't as much when I got into it. 

The love triangle wasn't set up in too much detail at the beginning, but that actually led to some hilarious moments during the cave scene where they would cut back to Gale watching from District 12 with a really disappointed face and every time the whole theatre would just burst into laughter. It was pretty seriously comical. Effie had some really good, really funny lines that weren't in the book, which I liked--she was played really well. Woody Harrelson is a fucking genius among men, so Haymitch was kind of amazing. 

I wasn't a huge fan of Josh Hutcherson in general but as soon as his character was chosen in the Reaping he had this look on his face that was totally shocked and just... perfect and I fell in love with him as an actor (totally not attracted to him still, but whatever). Jennifer Lawrence on the other hand is perfect and flawless and I am in love with her completely. There's one scene where they focus in on her mouth and I was just all up in there creepin because I am hugely into girls at the best of times and when Jennifer Lawrence's lips are involved it gets even worse.

I think my favourite tribute was actually Cato--the final scene with him was pretty amazing. 

So.

Yknow.

This has been me interrupting my blog to give you a minor fangirl review of a movie meant for people about four years younger than me.

xoxo

mouse

tattoos

i like tattoos! and i have two of them so far. and i am going to talk about them.

this one was my first. i got it a few days after my 18th birthday. in case you can't read it (and i don't blame you) it says "i have only words to play with", which is a line from lolita.

nabokov is one of my favourite authors, but pale fire is actually my favourite book by him. for a while i was toying with the idea of getting a quote from pale fire:

"i was the shadow of the waxwing slain/by the feigned remoteness in the windowpane"

i still like the idea but i was never really sure about placement or anything for that one so i went with the lolita one instead. 

i love it still, i love it every day because it speaks a lot to me as a writer. when humbert humbert loses lolita he feels like he loses everything but he still has words

and yes the book is a little creepy and if you think about it in the sense of he has words to play with instead of a little girl to play with it's totally skeevy

but the line as a standalone is something i can really connect with.

this one is my second tattoo. it is a symbol and quote from the character rorschach from the watchmen graphic novel. it says "not even in the face of armageddon."

sorry about the half nudey pictures it is really quite difficult to photograph.

i got this one over winter break, in december, so really only a month and a half ago. i love it.

the whole quote is "not even in the face of armageddon. never compromise." and i was going to get "never compromise" but changed my mind and i love it so much more this way. 

i was so paranoid that it was going to be spelled wrong that i made my friend take off the saran wrap and check it out in the middle of a cafe right after i got it. but it's all good!

rorschach and i disagree fundamentally (especially politically) but this quote always struck me.

instead of something that defines me it is more like something i need to learn. i have compromised a lot for a lot of people and that doesn't make sense to me anymore.

here is a better picture.

neither of them hurt too badly. i got them both done in champaign, illinois (where i lived until i was like 13) at no regrets tattoos downtown. both were done by katie cain who is fucking fantastic. if you find yourself there i definitely recommend her. both times i showed up with no real plan and she got exactly what i wanted.

both of them are fairly easy to cover up with t-shirts and whatnot because i haven't been sure whether being a tattoo covered person is something i want to commit to, but honestly i think it is. i love both of my tattoos.

they don't hurt that bad. they both did hurt but not like i was expecting. i almost bit through my cheek during the lettering of the second one, but filling in rorschach's symbol didn't hurt at all. 

i think my next tattoo is going to be something like delirium from neil gaiman's sandman series plus the little mermaid, because they look sort of similar and i think they could be combined really well and they both mean a lot to me. also i have two text tattoos so i want some pretty pictures :)

xoxo

mouse

meow meow meow meow meow

this post is a jade post

the issue of height

 sorry for all the weird random pictures. it is sort of hard to find pictures that appropriately illustrate my height 

also sorry for all the random pixelation, i have this weird paranoia about blogging pictures with people i know, because i wonder whether they know about my blog and if they do if they're upset about me posting pictures of them or if they don't if they would be if they knew and augh so that's why

 look im taller than a dalek!

 hanging out with someone taller than me at a hookah place

dressed like a hooker

HOOKAH HOOKER

 halloween thing w a bunch of people and also looking scared

"scared" is sort of my default photo face

prom!

so here is the thing.

i am six feet tall.

it is kind of weird.

i know it's not THAT unusual to be six feet tall but... well, honestly, it kind of is. everyone thinks they want to be super tall, and the thing is

it's kind of great.

but it's also kind of not.

i can reach things-i am the tallest person in my family-i am very easily noticed (the hair helps, too)

but it is kind of weird explaining to everyone that no i cannot be a model because i am not thin enough (height is not all that matters)

plus my face isn't quite right

i have been asked to model multiple times but i am sort of intimidated. i don't really have the confidence. maybe i will get there.
last time i was at my dad's place he told me he needed a lightbulb changed and it turned out he had saved it specially for my visit.

and everyone thinks they're super creative when they tell me i should play volleyball or basketball

when in reality i am much more likely to be hit in the face with a volleyball or a basketball than anything else

due to extremely poor hand eye coordination.

also where all the tall bois and gurls at

certainly not around here.
i can't wear heels without feeling like i'm going to smash tokyo.

the first thing anyone says about me about 75 percent of the time is "wow you're tall"

yes dear i have been quite tall for a while now i am maybe aware of this.

also getting clothes to fit is weird. but that might just be how i'm shaped. since i'm so limby sleeves and pants hems are often off.

i'm learning to love it. it's definitely easier in new york city than in pennsylvania.

xoxo

mouse

i just found my wedding dress

the blonds spring 2009

give me this dress.

zef so fre$

i just love die antwoord so much

style icon: effie trinket

not many pictures have been released. i can't wait to see what she's wearing in the movies.

the year in review

click month names to go to posts

january

 february

 march

 april

 may

june

 july

 august

 september

i didn't really post in october because i was drunk the whole month 

november

december 

and there's loads more where that came from!

xoxo

mouse

absolutely fucking crackers

my family was driving me crazy and i went a little dollmaker mad.

xoxo

mouse