Wednesday, June 27, 2012

can we talk about how fat i am or whatever

a while back i got an anonymous comment on my blog telling me that i'm obese and that i should watch out because fat people die young
hi, anon, if you're here. 
my first reaction was "jesus, who would say something like that?" 
but then i remembered, this is the internet, that's what happens.
my second reaction was "really? that's the best you can do?"
because out of all the weird fucking things about my body and my face and my scarecrow hair i don't walk around going "jesus christ i hope these people don't think i'm obese". you couldn't have said something about my giant nose? my clown feet? my pony mouth? it had to be the one thing that i know for a fact does not describe me, nor have i ever thought it might?
i was going to ignore that comment. and i have done up until this point. but i was thinking about it and i realized maybe i should say something. because that's not right. i don't know who you are, i don't know if i know you or if i've met you or if i've wronged you in some way--god, i hope not, and if i have, please contact me so i can sincerely apologize. i've not been the best person, and i know that, but i'm really trying to give everyone the love and caring that they deserve. 
my body looks the way it does because that is how it looks.
i am guilty of the desire for self improvement. i am guilty of the desire to lose weight. but now i think i'm going to look at self-improvement in a different way. i want to be the best me that i can be in the sense that i want to be good to myself, to eat well and exercise, but not in a bid to lose weight. in a bid to make my body healthy and my mind healthy. because if i'm not healthy, that's when we have a problem. that's when you can call me out. this was back when i was smoking--i don't know why this anon couldn't have said "smokers die young, you should do something about that." cos that's true. that's something i'm guilty of. i was hurting my body that way.
what about when i was cutting? no one called me out for that. no one sent me a message saying "that's bad for you, you should stop." 
but someone stumbled across my blog, decided they didn't like me for whatever reason, maybe thought i was a little fat, didn't like my hips or my stomach, and decided to comment on that. they were offended not by something i was actually doing but by my appearance. and, anonymous commenter, and everyone else who maybe thinks the same thing:
that's for you.

on a side note, my biggest mental block about quitting smoking was the possibility of weight gain. and yeah, i've put on a few pounds. but it's going to be a lot easier to deal with the five pounds i've gained since quitting than the health problems i might have to deal with down the line if i didn't quit.

i kinda like myself. 
and i know i'm healthy. i know i'm the best i can be right now. that's all i need.




Meghan Edge said...

Damn straight, girl. :-) I think that you've got a beautiful body AAAAANNNDDDD I'm not just saying this but give your face a break. I think it's beautiful. xoxoxoxo-Meg

Laura Morrigan said...

Haters aside, our world is a fucked up place. The media constantly teaches us that above size zero is fat, while girls are making themselves sick dieting. It makes me so angry when people just go around telling people they are obsese when they are clearly NOT!

Of course, not to sound paranoid or anything, but corporations want us to be unhappy with ourselves so we will buy their products. Clothes that supposedly will make us look like models but never do, diet products. It's an industry of self hate promotion and it makes me want to punch someone!

Recently I saw a bit of some show about a model angency. A skinny-as model girl of about 15 or 16 was saying her thighs were too fat. Instead of telling her they actually aren't (they are about one third thinner than my thighs for instance, and I am not fat!) instead of telling her she was freaking beautiful and in that ridiculously hot 1% of the population, they told her she should do some exercises to slim them down. This is the kind of industry we are dealing with.

Our society sucks! but you are so not fat, and in my opinion you are a perfect shape. i dont mean that in a creepy way, lol. you look so hot. and more than that you are individual, outspoken and not just fitting in with everyone else, and some people don't like that. so don't change!

Laura Morrigan said...

and why do i always end up writing essays on your page? lol

Shybiker said...

Mean people suck. And this mean person is stupid. You are of normal size, so the "insult" is meaningless.

I'm sorry it hurt your feelings even though we all know it is false and that someone who writes anonymously is a coward.

I hope your response makes you feel better. It's terrible when bad people ruin our lives -- they don't deserve to have that power.

Kat said...

I don't know you (found you via Shybiker!), but you go, girl. Internet trolls absolutely suck, and it's definitely hard to ignore mean comments. (I haven't seen much of your blog yet, but you're absolutely gorgeous and I like your spirit!)

The Tall Blonde Artist

Unknown said...

You freaking rock. I'm glad you stood up for yourself and said something - I think anonymous comments can seriously suck, and it's easy to just try to ignore them - but SOMEONE needs to stand up against that shit. So good for you, you skinny thing you!!!!!

Much much admiration,

she is red

Charlie Wilkins said...

Huh. Cunts.

F.Menezes said...

the best part to walk to internet is meet peoples like this .... i know this post is very old but i don't care ;) enjoy your live and your body

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